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102 Things I Learned from Titanic

Inspired by a thread on the "Pride and Prejudice" board at IMDB.com.

102 Things I Learned from Titanic:

1. Leonardo DiCaprio is the king of the world.
2. Rose knows what ice fishing is.
3. Jack is sorry, but Rose seemed like kind of an indoor girl.
4. Jack is very professional.
5. The men in steerage aren’t so big and tough.
6. First-class girls CAN drink.
7. Rose’s mother doesn’t approve of her smoking.
8. Molly thinks Rose is a pistol.
9. Cal needs to monitor what Rose reads from now on.
10. Rose thinks Freud would have something to say about Mr. Ismay.
11. Cal isn’t sure whether or not Rose likes lamb.
12. Jack knows where he stands in the scheme of things.
13. Cora is still Jack’s best girl.
14. Contrary to popular belief, sex in the backseat of a car can be quite romantic.
15. A foggy car window is an excellent canvas whilst one is in the throes of passion.
16. First class men are prepared to go down with the ship like gentlemen - but they would like a brandy first!
17. The good thing about Paris is that there are lots of girls who are willing to take their clothes off.
18. Rose can’t imagine that she would cause Mr. Monet to blush.
19. But he does landscapes.
20. Rose used to be a dish.
21. The woman in the picture is Rose.
22. Don’t presume to tell Rose what she will and will not do. You don’t know her.
23. Cal will not be made a fool. Is this in any way unclear?
24. When someone flings a table across the room in a fit of rage, it’s a wise course of action to agree with everything he says.
25. For now.
26. Jack was going to return the jacket - he swears!
27. You should listen when someone advises you to take a call.
28. It was the inertia of her life that made Rose do it.
29. Spitting like a man is easier said than done.
30. Rose is the most amazingly astounding, wonderful girl - woman - that Jack has ever known.
31. The smoking room wouldn’t be of interest to Jack.
32. If Rose jumps, Jack jumps, remember?
33. There is nothing Cal would deny Rose - that is, if she would not deny him.
34. Come Josephine in my Flying Machine is quite the romantic song.
35. The last thing Rose needs is another picture of her looking like a porcelain doll.
36. Jack shines up like a new penny.
37. Rose can be blasé about some things, but not about Titanic.
38. Rose would rather be Jack’s whore than Cal’s wife.
39. Cora made it clear that Titanic is a ship - not a boat.
40. Fabrizio has uncommonly good eyesight.
41. Rose isn’t a foreman in one of Cal’s mills that he can command. She’s his fiancée!
42. Rose’s engagement ring would have sent her straight to the bottom.
43. If Jack doesn’t stay where he is, then Rose will let go. She means it!
44. Everyone says Jack is crazy, but with all due respect, he’s not the one hanging off the back of a ship, here.
45. If someone claims he can smell ice, don’t trust him.
46. Rose doesn’t see what all the fuss is about. Titanic doesn’t look any bigger than the Mauritania.
47. Women’s choices are never easy.
48. Rose is no picnic. She’s a spoiled brat, even.
49. It’s not up to Jack to save Rose.
50. Until he does, that is.
51. God doesn’t like it when Cal claims he can’t sink a ship.
52. Jack is surprised at the things Rose didn’t learn in finishing school.
53. Rose trusts things that don’t make any sense.
54. There are hardly any rats in steerage.
55. Make it count.
56. Secret notes concealed in a handshake are a welcome surprise.
57. You know you’re in first class when you have music to drown by.
58. Cal is an unimaginable bastard.
59. Jack is of the Chippewa Falls Dawsons, actually.
60. Cal Hockley makes his own luck.
61. Except for that time he gave Rose his jacket - he forgot about the priceless diamond in the pocket.
62. Mr. Andrews is sorry that he didn’t build Rose a better ship.
63. Nothing gets past Rose.
64. Molly Brown would prefer that dinner not be announced like a damned cavalry charge.
65. If you see something in a nickelodeon, it might not hurt to try it one day.
66. Jack never did like caviar much.
67. Live each day to the fullest.
68. Tommy Ryan doesn’t know a thing about first-class girls.
69. When you’re in a hurry, it’s best to tell the crew you’ve already been through the lice check.
70. Besides, Americans don’t have lice.
71. If you absolutely must break a pair of handcuffs with an ax, it’s best to practice first.
72. Don’t try to rescue small children when a ship is sinking; their parents will only yell at you.
73. Disregard the previous statement if your name is Cal Hockley, however.
74. If you ask a crew member to unlock a gate for you, he’ll probably just drop the keys in a panic and flee.
75. Spontaneous and unrehearsed Irish dancing is likely the best way to make a romantic conquest.
76. Also, it doesn’t hurt to throw in a little ballet.
77. Fancy attire is not the best choice when you need to escape from a foundering ship.
78. Or when you decide that suicide is just not your bag.
79. Jack was probably a seer in another life.
80. Floating wooden doors are handier than one would think.
81. Survival time in the north Atlantic is approximately 15 minutes.
82. Celine Dion had only one good song.
83. Rose is not aware that standing on the rail at the front of a ship does not qualify as flying.
84. Jack doesn’t have love affairs with Parisian women - only with their hands.
85. Spitting in a man’s face ensures that he will let go of you very quickly.
86. Follow the rats when a ship is sinking - they’ll probably lead you to safety.
87. When self-important crew members won’t let you out of the lower deck, grab the nearest bench and break open the gates.
88. When crew members hassle you, it’s okay to tell them to shut up.
89. Rose knows all the good gossip.
90. Being the richest man on the ship won’t save you from certain death.
91. Give a diamond to Rose and you’ll probably never see it again.
92. After striking an iceberg, it helps to break the tension by using the debris to play hockey.
93. Better yet, pretend that you didn’t hit an iceberg at all.
94. If a crew member tells you that what you felt was a slight tremor, it probably means that you’ll die within the hour.
95. Don’t push the engines until they’ve been properly run in.
96. Don’t suggest that the lifeboat should go back for the people in the water. You’ll only make people angry.
97. When your fiancée runs off with another man, sometimes your only option is to wish them well.
98. If you really love someone, you might just jump off a lifeboat to be with them on a sinking ship.
99. Don’t let Cal reassure you with talk of secret arranged deals - you know he’s lying.
100. Make sure your captain is not susceptible to peer pressure prior to boarding a ship.
101. Also, check to see that the lookout men aren’t legally blind.
102. One last thing - don’t board the Titanic!

I officially have a third job

Presenting for the first time ever, not only one job, but THREE!

I now am an employee of a local sandwich shop as well as a quilt shop employee and a nanny. The awesome thing is that both of my downtown jobs are literally a two minute walk from each other, and my nanny job is on the street behind mine. How awesome is that? And downtown is five minutes by car from my house.

I get to wear a uniform in the sandwich shop. I don't have to think about what I'm going to wear! Bliss! Euphoria! ...Convenience!

Although there IS a hat. A cap, to be exact. A BASEBALL cap. And I'm not sure how I feel about this.

Oh, but I can wear jeans! And there is not an article of clothing I am more passionate about!

Also, I think free doughnuts and chicken sandwiches are part of the deal. Yum.

Last night I had the weirdest dream...

Okay, so I was in Publix standing at the checkout and I look up to see that Kate Winslet is standing in front of me in the line. Naturally I strike up a conversation with her - can't remember what about - and for some reason we decide it would be the best idea ever to go on a road trip together.

It was not the best idea ever.

For one, my dream self let Kate drive. In my dream, we were in America. Kate is English. So guess what? SHE DROVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD! She nearly killed us! Then, she got LOST. We ended up in Egypt! EGYPT, PEOPLE! How the hell she even managed this, I'd love to know. I think my dream self was playing that license plate game at the time and neglected to pay attention. So we get out of the car and start wandering around this Egyptian version of a strip mall to ask for directions. On our walk we pass by this cafe with giant glass windows and guess who we should see? Sofia Coppola! What the baby, right? I ran up to the window and shouted, "OMGSOFIACOPPOLAILOVEYOURWORKYOU'RESOPRETTYANDYOURBABYISADORABLE!!!11ELEVEN11!"

I have NO idea where this came from, because I've never seen a single thing by Sofia Coppola. She seemed duly flattered, though. And not at all fazed that Kate Winslet was standing next to me.

After that the dream kind of flashed forward. I have no memory of what happened directly after we saw Sofia. Suddenly Kate and I were driving through the English countryside - and she was now driving American-style. Good thing there were no cars on the roads. I swear, if Kate ever offers to take a real-life road trip with me, I'm making her take a driving skills test.


So today is graduation. It starts at 6:00. We went to P.F. Chang's for my celebration meal. It was delicious! Crispy honey chicken is the best thing ever. I could eat it every day.

My parents and my sister are coming to the ceremony, and so are my grandma and my uncle. He flew all the way in from Detroit to come. He doesn't live there, but he planned his trip so that he could make it. Aww... My aunt and my two cousins would have come too, but my aunt is on what my grandma called "baby watch" so apparently she could blow any minute.

Also, Laura is coming. Laura is my best friend and has been since we were six. Feel the love, people. I'm going to her graduation on Sunday.

I'm looking forward to throwing my streamer in the air after the ceremony. I've always wanted to do that. Too bad we're not tossing our graduation diapers - oh, I meant caps. Because the hats don't look like diapers with cardboard attached to them at all. How silly of me.

My one concern is that I will trip on the way up the stairs, or forget that right over left thing in a nervous panic. I really do over-think these things...

So Holly and I got into an accident today

Don't you love how I say that so casually?

Today was graduation rehearsal. We had to go all the way to Daytona for it. That began the misery. Not because Daytona is bad, or anything, but because it's a freaking long drive. And ALL of the seniors were going there today. That's almost 700 kids. Plus, another high school had their graduation right after we were supposed to leave. So traffic = suck.

After spending 2 hours in the auditorium where tomorrow we will be graduating, Holly and I started heading back toward our good ol' hometown. We were going to hit Chik-Fil-A on the way back, too, because we had coupons for free sandwiches. Everything was fine and dandy - until it began to rain. Normally, this wouldn't be the worst thing on the planet. We're going through a drought. We NEED rain. But here's the thing - Holly's car has THE WORST set of windshield wipers I've ever encountered. They did not wipe the windshield clear. They actually fogged it up and smeared it and made vision 60,000 times worse. We were nervous as we went over the bridge to get back to the mainland. Then as we were just coming off the bridge, we hydroplane. Good thing the car in front of us, which belonged to someone we know, as it would happen, was way ahead. We didn't hit them. It just freaked us out even more. Things were looking down.

Then, not four blocks later, we were sitting at a light - a green light, mind you; damn that stop and go traffic - when suddenly we're struck from behind. I can't remember if I screamed, but Holly did. It was scary. It felt surreal, like I was jolted into my own little world. After a possible initial scream, I was silent. I'm not one for vocal freak outs. My back hurt, but other than that, we were both okay. Holly said her legs hurt at first but it went away. We pulled over to this little motorcycle shop right beside us and parked under an awning. The other two guys involved were already waiting for us.

So here's how it went: There were four cars involved (and almost that guy I mentioned earlier, David J., who we could have hydroplaned into, but Holly stopped before she hit him - again). The first was a truck. This driver started the whole chain reaction. He or she drove away though and neither of the two guys got a good look at the truck, lucky for that bastard. Then the truck had hit this green van that one of the guys owned. The green van hit a crappily made red American car (I have a severe dislike for American cars, all right?) that got completely crunched in the back; it was leaking gas, for Lord's sake! American cars = crap. Anyhow, then the crappy red car hit Holly and me. Holly's car suffered little damage. Part of the right hand side popped out a smidge in the back near the taillights, but it was nothing major. She also had a few scratches on her bumper. We were lucky. The red car guy had to have his car towed.

And Aubrey got into an accident too! On the same street, just farther up. We saw her car being towed when we were getting back on the highway. It was completely totaled. She hydroplaned and hit a truck.

Okay, now for the weird and kind of funny part. When the cop who came was finished recording Holly's license and registration, she handed it back to her and the red car guy glimpsed her driver's license picture.

"That's a pretty picture," he said. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No," said Holly. I could tell she was uncomfortable. She knew where this was going. I almost laughed in anticipation.

"Can I have your number?" the guy eagerly asked.

Holly laughed uncomfortably. "No..."

It took so much of my self-control to maintain my composure.

After we finished all the legal stuff with the cop, we went onto Chik-Fil-A as planned because unexpected disasters don't rob one of hunger. And guess who we saw there? Shalynn, Hannah, and Kyle! They were freaking out over us.

"Oh my God! We saw you guys get into that accident! We were so worried!" Hug, hug, hug. We were warm and fuzzy inside. Hannah even gave us a free milkshake coupon.

You gotta love a free milkshake coupon.

The little things in life...

Two nights ago, Genna came over to watch Pretty Woman with me. It's pretty much my favorite Julia Roberts movie. But that's beside the point. While we were deciding what to watch (before we made such a wonderful choice), we were contemplating a collection of Kate Winslet movies (she too is amazing): Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Titanic, Iris, etc. Then Genna says to me, "You know, the weirdest thing happened! I was watching 'A Kid in King Arthur's Court' and Kate Winslet randomly shows up!"

Immediately I decided to check this movie out from the library. A Kate Winslet movie I didn't know about? I think not!


We are now initiating the part of the story where it joins another story.


For the summer, I always make a list of the things I am going to do so that I do not die of the combination of heat and boredom. So a couple months ago I was working on the 'Movies I have to watch' section of my list and I kept remembering, back in the lovely days of my childhood, how I would watch just about any movie that happened to be on TV. Images of a medieval movie flashed into my head at this point in time, but for the life of me, I couldn't recall enough about the title to track down the film.

Disappointed, the movie slipped into the back of my mind until the day after Genna's and my movie night.

The following morning, I went to IMDB.com to look up 'A Kid in King Arthur's Court'. I wanted to read the plot summary and such. I get to its home page and immediately I see a picture depicting one of my memories of the mysterious medieval film from my childhood! I said, "Oh My God!!!!!" with exactly that many exclamation points (discerning them in speech is admittedly a difficult task) and rushed to the library's internet page to place a hold on it.

Don'tcha love it when life comes together like that?

Now if only someone would make an offhand comment about the mysterious Irish and/or possibly Scottish film of my childhood, thus inadvertently leading me to its discovery...

I love my job

Working at The Quilt Shop is so much fun! I get to learn more about my favorite hobby - sewing in general, that is, not quilting (I'm actually terrible at quilting) - keep up on the latest fabric lines, learn about innovations in the sewing world, meet lots of really cool (and really old) people, and try out my jokes!

Like yesterday I met a lady from South Africa. South Africa, people! How often does that happen? She had a British-y accent, but it was just a little bit different. She told me that South Africa is pretty much a smaller version of the United States. It has all the same climates and its big cities resemble ours. And even though it's freaking Africa over there, sometimes it snows. Snows! In Africa! Astounding.

Yesterday was a really good customer day. Usually some people are rude, but everyone was friendly and chatty. I'm also getting to the point where I'm good at my job. I don't have to pass customers off to other employees as much anymore, and I feel more capable and confident in what I do.

Also, yesterday we had lifesaver gummies out, which are the best. They really brightened my day. : )

This is for Alexa

Alexa. Yo. Hey Howdy Ho!

I just wanted to show my appreciation for you letting me use your driveway by dedicating an entire post to you!

Jesus thinks you're swell too:


And so we'd both just like to say:



Well I'll Be a Canned Haaaaam.

Today, it happened - my absolute dream. Well, it's been my dream and goal for the past two weeks anyway.


Okay, so yeah, I know, dream big, right?

BUT IT WAS FREAKING AMAZING. Don't underestimate the power of life's simple pleasures!

Here's the story: My friend Sam always talks about how she has such a fantastic rapport with the administrators that she can get golf cart rides whenever she's late or about to be late to class. Naturally, I had to get me some of this. So, since upon my hearing this story, school was officially "over" for me, I decided I would manage to get a golf cart ride during my IB testing schedule, somehow. The first week went by. Still no ride. But I wasn't sweating it - there was plenty of time left -- a whole week, after all. Then this week the days flew by and I hadn't been offered one good opportunity to pull over a golf cart driver and hop in. Fast forward to this morning. I was walking up to school and, not surprisingly, my first thought was, "Dammit, I'm never gonna get a golf cart ride." No sooner had this pessimistic thought been soundlessly uttered in my mind than our very own Mr. Moyer drove up right beside me in, you guessed it, a golf cart!

Before even thinking, I cried, "MR.MOYERWAITFORMEOMG1!!11ELEVEN!!1"

And he stopped.


He said yes.

Happier than words can convey, I got in. In the front seat! IN A GOLF CART! With the principal I've never spoken to, ever!

Until today, of course.

We zoomed through the hallways. I was Joe Cool. Except I was the girl Joe Cool. Jane Cool? I digress.

So as I was getting out, he asked me how my first ever golf cart ride was. I couldn't think of anything better than "windy". I was too busy thinking about how I had to type this in my journal when I got home.

Rocky Horror Picture Show

Tonight I saw Rocky Horror Picture Show with Rachel. It was the weirdest movie I've ever seen in my life.

That is all.

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June 2008


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